Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
