I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
