shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
