So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
