I'm pants shitting drunk right now
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
