Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
It was like getting head from an anaconda
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
