What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
