i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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