awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You smell like stripper and shame
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
