Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
