well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
