Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
