I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
