Screwed.edu
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My ass is underappreciated
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
