Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
