I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
we're making bets on your personal life
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
