'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
