3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
