why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
