Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
