I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
