last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
