look no pants
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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