it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
