Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
