look no pants
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
