just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
