They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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