I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
