Don't make out with my wife yet
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
