Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
