I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
