You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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