Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I have feelings that need drinking.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Randomize
