Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
