For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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