I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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