Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
