before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
he shaved USA in his pubs
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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