Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
