Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
