i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize