You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
