his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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