I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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