I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
