Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
