shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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