I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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