My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
