Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize