I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
