We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
