Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
