grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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