thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
