I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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