jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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