I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
