____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
