On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
