every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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