hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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