Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
