We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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