apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize