Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
