You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
