fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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