wrigley field is MILF paradise
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
